edit using professors notes below and in document this is a start and you do have a topic and issues here that are debatable, but it is not at all clear what you have focused the arguments upon. Most of what you say in this paper is very unclear and some really does not make sense in light of what we know about the laws and practices in the USA. Are you even talking about the United States? Your sentences tend to be confusing in how you phrase ideas; you need to work on this and edit the paper overall. The paper really needs a lot of planning work to get an organizational structure in place so the research is organized clearly. All of these sections you have are not necessary and actually confuse the paper. They are good for planning but the final draft needs to be one coherent paper. I think that you would greatly benefit from working with one of the tutors on all this. I am not sure that just my feedback will be enough to help you get his in order. You should look into this; I posted how to contact or see the tutors. William Sipple , May 3 at 1:35pm I meant to add that you needed to include the two web sources in your paper and you did not include the rhetorical analysis of your own paper
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